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Like most Londoners, every day I get on the tube with a face of thunder. I’m not angry at life, I am angry with all of the rude and incompetent people who are taking up valuable breathing space on the Underground.

The Underground is quite a remarkable form of transportation, but like everything else that is remarkable in this world it is ruined by humans.

The Northern Line

I try to avoid the Northern Line at all costs, because it sometimes turns into a scene from WWE’s Royal Rumble.

The last time I was on the Northern Line, I watched a woman push another woman off the train after it had stopped at Stockwell. The two strangers had been arguing over who had been pushing who and the woman in the blue corner had enough of the woman in the red corner and threw her out of the ring! It was a dramatic as it sounds and of course no one helped the poor woman to get up off the ground, that’s the Northern Line for you!

It’s  hot, overcrowded, sweaty and to make things worse the trains are always getting held up in the tunnels. It’s a hard knock life on the Northen Line- avoid!

McDonald’s

I think I speak on the behalf of all Londoners when I say that McDonald’s should be banned from the underground.

If you’ve eaten a McDonalds on the tube before, you probably felt a lot of people eyeballing you as you ate your meal. You thought that people were looking at you with hate in their eyes because they were jealous, didn’t you? The hate in their eyes wasn’t because they were jealous, it was because of the smell! The smell of a McDonald’s, combined fumes and body odour is enough to make you be physically sick. So, unless you want to listen to the sound of angry passengers retching, keep your McDonald’s off the underground!

Don’t Look At Me

The only thing that makes the commute bearable is music; so don’t take it personally if you see an old acquaintance (or a relative), trying to avoid making eye contact with you. It’s not that we don’t want to talk to you; we would just prefer to listen to music instead of trying to have a conversation with you, under someones armpit! You are more than welcome to drop us a Facebook message once you get off the train and we will probably reply with something like: “Oh really? I didn’t see you! You should have said hello!” You really shouldn’t have said “hello”.

Seats

Getting a seat during rush hour is like striking oil so no matter how old, pregnant or tired you look, don’t expect to be offered a seat. People will go as a far as pretending to be a sleep, in order to keep their seat. It would be rude to disturb someone from their sleep, wouldn’t it?

Incompetence

There is something about the underground that makes people become incompetent and lose all common sense. No one seems to know where they are going or how to get through the barriers. All of these little things add up and before you know it, the underground station that you need to get on/off at is closed due to congestion, which means that unless you take the bus you are going to be late. I’m not going to say anymore about taking the bus because I know it’s a bit of a sore spot for everyone.

It’s not all doom and gloom on the underground, 24 hour tubes will be introduced from this year…Which means that yet another remarkable development is going to be ruined by humans and this time they will be drunk and covered in sick.

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